Joel: "Mr. Gulati, what is your first name?"
Gulati: "I don't know..."
Joel: "Can I guess?"
Gulati: "You can guess three."
Joel: "Is it... Bob?"
Gulati (smiling): "...no."
Joel: "Is it... John?"
Gulati (grinning broadly): "...no."
Joel: "Is it... Chandar?"
Gulati (still grinning...): "Yes it is! How did you guess!?"

"The most difficult part will be the calculus part."

Gulati: "Did anyone here get the answer 'A'?"
Dan: "I wish I got an A..."
Gulati: "ok."

"President of the class. I don't know what kind of citizenship to give you."
-This was when Gulati tried to throw Dan Lange out of class

"Even the airlines will use it. They don't want the plane to go straight up forever."

"They suggest 21 days of instruction. I don't do it."

Gulati: "You can't stay out of class ten minutes or you will get a cut. It applies to me also."
Joel: "But you can't get a cut."
Gulati: "I can lose my pay."

"Conditionally means you can impose conditions."

Zach: "Finally some one listens to me!"
Gulati: "Thank God."

"It does not look good to me when a class of seniors, not senior citizens, does not do their classwork."

Joel: "Mr. Gulati, when do we become senior citizens?"
Gulati: "In 45 years, or 47 years. It's not that long."

"The Dao of Gulati: Gulati flows in women's tears"

Gulati checks the homework and calls on me first. Naturally I didn't do it. I told him that i was looking for it and shuffled through some papers. Gulati decided to skip me and come back to me. When he comes back to me:
Gulati: "Where is your homework, Matt?"
Matt: "I showed it to you already."
Gulati: "Oh, ok."
And then he marks down that I have the homework.

"Sid, you did not wet the towels?"

"You are growing in profession, you are growing in height, and the other I can't say."

Christian: "Did you get nocked over alot while playing field hockey?"
Gulati: "No, I was tricky."

"Don't worry about 16. It is me."

"For x the bell has rung, so it can leave."

"When the cat is away the mouse can play, but now the cat is back so the mouse can never play."

"That's right. Natural Log is the greatest killer. It is like AIDS."

Bari: "Oh my god."
Gulati: "Bless you."

Bari: "You have a nice family, Mr. Gulati."
Gulati: "They are educated, at least."

Christian: "That terrorist they arrested from the University of South Florida. Didn't you go there?"
Gulati: "I don't think he was there when I was there."
Christian: "Are you a terrorist, Mr. Gulati?"
Joel: "Are you insinuating that Mr. Gulati is a terrorist?"
Gulati: "I am not a terrorist. I didn't even know him."

Miles: "Why can't we use calculators now if we can use them in real life?"
Gulati: "sue them. You could put a chip in the brain and it will do everything. It could do the math, or it could go shopping. It could alert you when you have to go to the bathroom."

After someone came in to take sid's picture for the school paper:
Zach: "I want someone to take my picture."
Gulati: "Well, many people need to see it, so you can't."

"Nuob are the aristocrat in the backwards... or third world country."
Note- Nuob is apparently a word in Mr. Gulati's native language.

"I forgot my first name. My first name is 'C'. I forgot to write that down."

Dan: "I think we should be done for the day."
Gulati: "Hard of hearing."

Bari: "Will there be chewy cookies?"
Gulati: "No. There will be regular food."

"It is like in the orchestra, when you must play. Now i'll go check the homework."

"Cosinefunction is an evil function. I mean it is even, not evil."

"I will be glad to take the average height of your class because then I will be higher than I am>"

"We have now finished problem 'h'. Now lets go to next problem... 'h'."

"Who is the boss. Bari is. That means Bari is the boss because she is in this class."

"Las year slope fields were on BC only. This year they are on AB too. So now Mr. Palma has to learn slope fields. Maybe he knows them already."

"If you do the homework, I will be able to help you if you seek help."

"Kindergarten corner, can I erase this? Are you out of the Kindergarten corner? ...No..."

"Newton, Newton, where is Newton? Mr. Newton is... 2.7!"

"Stephane, come back... come back..."

"Shh! I'm a teaching!"

"Kristen? You need brains? Keep thinking..."

"Excuse me! Kindergarten... there is another kindergarten class..."

"What page is it? Oh! I'm in the wrong book."

"Work hard, work hard, you will win."

"Last year there were 82% who passed. This year you will do better... you are less motivated but brighter."

"Everybody with the class?"

As appeared on my test: "You are a good student. Math needs more practice. You need to do that."

"I don't tink we should do that way because you are mature for that."

"Any other difficulties just ask me. Any difficulties on page 429 or on any other page."

"Lets leave the piece of Cake."

Mr. Gulati: "What is secant pi by two?"
Alex: "It doesn't matter."
Mr. Gulati: "It does."

"It is the same thing as l'hopital. He overlook things."

"How many cards are in the playing cards?"

"L'hopital can make you sick so be careful to hand them in."

"You are recognized. That means you are late."

As appeard on Dan's test: "Rain Check"

"With this problem, l'hopital is ready to help."

"Some times you can eat one vitamin a day to get enough energy. Other times you need 50 pounds of food for energy."

"Lets rationalize. You are all rational people here. Some time you think irrational thoughts."

"Kindergarten has one member absent. Some leaders you are, you don't even say when one of your members is absent."

"I don't have any so I don't have take one."

"Sometimes tabular says you can do it and then you can not."

"It was very recent. He wrote a paper, everyone followed. I wrote a paper. Some people follow. I don't follow."

Kyle: "But no one understood this section."
Mr. Gulati: "Now you do."

"This is a problem some of you ave in your lives also. Some of you talk round and round, round and round and."

"Now you have a choice. Both are equally bad."

"If someone doesn't shut up you know how to do it."

"So integral of don't lose track of the left hand side.

Dan: "so then you find the derivative?"
Mr. Gulati: "No. Then you find the derivative."

"What he say, 'can I go to the bathroom', and if you're home someone's at the door."

"The homework will be done on the homework night. You also have to hand over the other homeork."

"The rule of the thumb."

"Stephane, what are you reading? The Bible? Or something else? Sometimes prayers help."

"Because secant is one over cosine. I mean no it is not. I'm sorry."

"You can't do it? Then you have problem I can't solve."

"you didn't get the formula? You are sleeping in the class."

"You do not have to say that. The door is open. I can point and then have to leave."

"Excuse me please. You excuse me or I am going to excuse you. I need to be excused or you are going to be excused."

"I said I'd have your tests graded by tomorrow. I never said which tomorrow. I'll have them graded by tomorrow tuesday." -As said on Friday.

"If I let you go home, one of two things will happen. Either your parents will bring you back or police will bring you back."

"Mean, mean, mean value theorem."

"Can't goof in this course. That is the problem."

Kyle: "Does this count as a midterm or a marking period test?"
--Silence--
Mr. Gulati: "You can count it any way you want. Count it both ways."

Zach: "Can I go to the bathroom?"
Mr. Gulati: "Why would you want to go to the bathroom in the class?"

"Did you have enough time to wash your hands also?"

"'Y' is equal ot the Newton Method."

"Things are becomming serious now, so think twice before getting sick. No senior sickness now."

"Decent people don't need to be told twice."

"Let me see if the magic works. And suppose the magic fails..."

"How about number seven? Number two. OK."

"You want to blow your nose we have."

"Dis method is also called the Dis method." That is what it sounded like. It was supposed to be "This method is also called the 'disc method'.

"Was she looking at you or were you looking at her?"

"That was English word."

"You could do it this way, or you could finish the problem."

"In life you will find many excuses, and they won't pay."

"How do you say umm... What do you way, umm... How can I say light bug, umm... What does that called, light bug. Oh, you mean lightning bug? Oh. They revolve."

"There was a beautiful queen amongh the insects and everyone wanted to marry her. She said she would marry the one that could bring the light. Then, all the bugs were looking fr the light. They didn't know that some bugs already had the light. They were already married."

Dan: "Could you imagine me being a prostitute?"
Gulati stares at Dan...
Dan: "It's calculus, Mr. Gulati! I swear!"
Gulati (immediately thereafter): "I know, I know. One plus two is three. One and one is eleven."

"Yes. Smiling face is zero, five."

"When I am not looking at you, my eyes, my ears still work."

"They say look before you leap, but if you look you will never leap."

"Miles is in the musical? Still? He is dancing there? He was good though..."

"It's like if you have a nail in your shoe. You must take it off, or it keep hurting."

"They are both in the open ended, and sometimes not in the open ended."

"Right? Don't get scared. Don't run away from it."

"You can open a window if it smells. Please do not eat pork and beans."

"You can think now. You don't have to hold your nose to think."

"Problem is asking you to do this and I am asking you to be quiet."

After much pondering: "There is something that's not right..."

Mr. Gulati: "I said that in Spanish. Manyana is equal to a section of Portuguese that is close to Spanish. Is anyone here from Portugal?"
Dan: "I am..."

Alex: "Mr. Gulati! Bathroom?"
Mr. Gulati: "That has nothing to do with Portuguese."

"Linda, Linda, she is not in the class? I am just checking to see who is here. Miles is here."

"I said raise your head and say it so I can hear if you are talking and know it."

"Then I'll make sure that all the topics are covered except for two or three topics."

"The Euler method. There's no mystery in it."

"And now people still dispute his name, god bless his soul, that's why he is immortal."

"I thought people don't day dream at this age."

Zach: "What's going on?"
Mr. Gulati: "The hand stopped, I don't know why."

Bari: "Fine, I'll just throw up in your room."
Mr. Gulati: "Okay."

"In the good old days people wanted as approximate as before."

"Today is the gift. That's why they call it the present." Joel told me to write this Gulati-ism down... why?

A cell phone rings...
Mr. Gulati: "That could be mine."
He takes out his phone. It is ringing. He holds it, upside down to his ear and says "hello?" without answering the call. He leaves the classroom, opens the phone and answers it. Then he closes it and comes back to class.
Joel: "who was that?"
Mr. Gulati: "I don't know."
Christian: "Maybe it was the president."
Mr. Gulati: "I don't know the president."
The phone beeps with a message. Mr. Gulati takes out the phone and it beeps again. He hands it to Christian and says "please can you retreive the message?"

"I don't want to tell you things that you won't like."

"Write down what I say. I say good things."

"Stephane, please sit straight. I will be happy if you do that."

"You finished? All of it? I'll give you a medal if you have."

As appeared on my test: "You need to put in more skills."

Zach: "You just made that up right now, Mr. Gulati."
Mr. Gulati: "Yeah."

"One over twelve, Tau, like Chinese names. I've never been to China."

Joel: "Was OJ Simpson really guilty?"
Mr. Gulati: "I don't know. He was found guilty by one sistem and innocent by the other. I don't know what kind of system this is."

"There is a commercial for the windows: 'I told you'. It was a woman's voice. Not a man's." The funny thing is, i know what commercial he is talking about...

Mr. Gulati: "You are going to have to use the fourth derivitive."
Miles: "Is that always going to be zero?"
Mr. Gulati: "hahaha... almost."

Zach: "Mr. Gulati, are you writing on the overhead?"
Mr. Gulati: "No... Yes."

"Now there are 6 medical schools in India. They have one billion people to serve."

"There were the girls and the boys, and I asked the taxi man if this was the right place because I had never seen boys and girls at the same place at night before."

"When I came to this country with nine dollers and the taxi meter was running."

Zach: "You have to carry around alot of Rupies for one dollar."
Mr. Gulati (grinning): "That is right."

Mr. Gulati: "Then I had fifty dollars."
Zach: "You smuggled in fifty dollars?"
Mr. Gulati: "...yes..."

Mary: "How did you meet your wife?"
Mr. Gulati: "We didn't meet."

"I made fifty thousand dollars, and at that time the gas was twenty-five cents a gallon."

Bari: "Your son knows how to choose women, huh?"
Mr Gulati: "What?"
Bari: "Nothing..."

Mary: "How many masters do you have?"
Mr. Gulati: "Three, so far..."

Zach: "Did you play field hockey?"
Mr. Gulati: "Not for a long time."

Dan: "Do you remember what date it was?"
Mr. Gulati: "It was somewhere in somewhere..."

"We have three brothers and three sisters. My wife also has three brothers and three sisters."

Dan: "Are you a casual rinker, Mr. Gulati?"
Gulati: "Very casual. Maybe once eery other week."

Stephane: "Where were you born?"
Mr. Gulati: "India. Pakistan."

Dan: "Can you say 'Peace is Patriotic?'"
Mr. Gulati: "What?"
Dan (pointing to the pape on which the slogan was written): "Can you this?"
Mr. Gulati: "What... piece of paper?"

Mr. Gulati: "My son was born in Brazil."
Joel: "So he can't be president?"
Mr. Gulati: "No... he's not that smart."

hi matt sorry i broke your blog